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This pic of a Waterbank Auxiliary ambulance stopping at a Selby cemetery (link) moved several motorists to stop and see who they were paying their respects to.

“It was an unmarked stone,” said the motorist who sent us this pic, “so I guess we’ll never know.”

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A Waterbank Auxiliary EMS has come forward about what they learned from the fateful New Year’s day crime spree.

“It’s totally different from what you hear from Helvellyn PD,” they told me in exchange for a crisp 20. “First I went to Riverbank, and treated the manager first. They weren’t shot, but had suffered a concussion from a safety deposit box that had fallen on their head. It seemed that the robber wanted a specific box that was high up and had the manager hoist him up.”

“Next I treated several customers for cuts and bruises, including one old woman who refused to let me go until I kissed her band aid. Really, sometimes this job is humiliating. I went back out to stock up on bandaids and a few hours later get called to the Muni Airport in Brooks. I race there, lights blazing, turning all those crazy Muirhead streets, and the airport guard was only napping. HPD had totally overreacted and the Sheriff’s Department is laughing at me as I tripped over the &^%#* curb. I mean really, come on. That’s the funniest thing that day?!”

From the victims the EMS also learned what had been taken from the sites. “At the bank they took the contents of a box registered to Feral Robotics, and at the gallery they took several priceless canvases that were rolled into tubes. The assistant at the gallery was really cute, so until that stupid call to Muni Airport, we talked a lot. She said that one of those canvases would put you up for life.”

mowrystepsupA WAX ambulance gasses up at a Mowry filling station with the Meowry Cat Cafe in the background.

The district of Mowry has been increasing its role in the civic administration of the East River, adding a number of facilities to increase safety and commerce. Fire stations, fuel stops, and road improvements are just some of the improvements made.

“ERC is in a time of transition,” explained the hot dog vendor in downtown Mowry and self-professed know it all. “Mowry is doing its part to stabilize it.”

WAXerER

A Waterbank Auxiliary mechanic working on a WAX ambulance drove himself to the hospital in East River yesterday after a strange accident in the garage.

“Yeah, the TPF-4 (link) is still the best ambulance out there. The one that brought me to the hospital’s been in the shop only twice in three years. Good chassis, great features, and drives hard.”

When pressed on the nature of the injury, the mechanic said, “let’s just say that it’s important to sit in the right place in the garage.”

The Astaro TPF was signed into service with WAX and the WPD in 2013 (link), and is still considered essential by both organizations.

WAXbananaShipment

Bananas are no laughing matter to one dock worker at the SNO docks, who was taken to the hospital yesterday afternoon after a serious injury.

The dock worker was one of several unloading a shipment of the naturally packaged fruit from the Blake Sea islands when he slipped on a banana peel.

“One leg went one way, and the other went the other way,” explained his friend, “it was like he was trying to split himself in half. We heard a sound and then he started squealing. I think that’s when we knew he wasn’t playing around.”

DaveDorm Gaffer, CEO of GridEx was at the SNO branch office near the docks. “It was a terrible sound, and I had one of my staff call for an ambulance the moment I saw the man on the ground.”

WBA President Sketch Sun was at the docks too, eating a banana when we spoke to him. “You gotta be careful around bananas,” he said, shaking the bananas at us. “The peels are so slippery,” he finished it and carelessly threw the peel over his shoulder, “so yeah. Safety first.”

DoYouSmellWAX in front of the sign in question, with a TPF4 from Astaro.

A Waterbank Auxiliary ambulance driver fell for a gag at Second Norway Airport, and called the fire department. “I guess I need more sleep,” said the driver who read the sign. “I just thought fire, and called into dispatch. A couple of maintenance guys were around the corner laughing their heads off.”