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An East River data center has been accused of playing a part in a WIA data breach thst may have exposed Waterbank’s most secretive database.

A Waterbank University professor of Applied Political Malfeasance told us it was serious. “We’re talking about the Forgier report, the Undine secret missions, and whether or not there’s a plan to kidnap members of NTBI to construct a mountain lair.”

“We’ve never done those things,” said a WIA rep, “but there are a lot of family recipes we’d hate to get out.”

Scable Data, located in Grizedale (link), is part of East River’s ‘Sillycon River,’ and did not respond to us. WIA is said to be weighing options.


Pippen docks are shipping out record amounts of catnip thanks to new equipment from Feral Logistics and new union representation.

“It’s all thanks to da new facilities,” said Don Catleone, “and, ya know, HR policies.”

East River is one if the few places with legalized catnip, but that hasn’t stopped a theiving trade in the narcotic. Every day tons of it are shipped out from the Pippen docks and into places where its status as contraband puts the ship crews in danger. Coast Guards and local law enforcement impound what they can though much of it makes its ways onto the streets.

“There’s a discussion at the policy level,” said a Waterbank University professor, “as to whether the war on catnip is having any real effect. The only thing we’ve figured out so far is that catnip is making everyone crazy.”

The East and West River areas (above), are long time rivals yet recent allegations of criminal activity and favoritism have opened old wounds.

“We know they’re out to get us,” claimed one West River citizen at a coffee clutch. “And they’ll do anything to get our land.”

East River citizens were less upset. “What river? Isn’t that just a minor tributary?”

We asked an expert at Waterbank University about the conflict. “Historically West River was the first area developed, with a central winding road and bridges connecting the banks. However, once the Stray Cat Company started in East River, they began pulling people over to the East. Today the East River is one of the B7 (see right), and the West River is only known for its eccentric millionaires. They are naturally jealous.”

WIA had a different take on the conflict. “West River’s not all wrong. East River has over twenty mercenary groups that work out of it, and it’s one of the few places with legalized catnip. If people think they can profit by knocking over people outside of East River jurisdiction, or grabbing some land, they will.”

The WBA which has been in charge of Waterbank and portions of the WMA for over a year, has appointed a Mayor in a closed corporate session.

“It’s time,” said WBA President Sketch Sun.

The move will once again return power to a civil administrator, though Waterbank citizens aren’t happy about it.

“Who is it?” Asked one citizen we found at ERIA Airport lounge. “Why haven’t we been able to vote on it? Why don’t we know the name?”

When Waterbank News asked the WBA about the new mayor, they had this to say. “Waterbank has always been parliamentary republic. We’ve taken that political framework and grafted on some solid business restructuring so that the leadership is properly insulated. The new Mayor will take over a Waterbank that is budget positive, very adaptive, and can co-exist inside other city-states. Think of it like Waterbank 5.0.”

“It kinda makes sense,” said a poli-sci professor at Waterbank University. “Half of the Waterbank mayors get assassinated.”

Archerfield mice have infested the Linden Chalet in the Greater Tulagi Area, and caretakers are at their wits end.

“The little *&#^$%@*@s are smart,” said one landscaper. “One of the little &#$@s figured out how to play the violin and managed to do a Paganini Caprice while I was chasing him with a broom. I really hate the showoffs.”

“The Archerfield mouse is a highly intelligent creature with a strong sense of irony,” said a Waterbank University professor, “If I were a caretaker in Tulagi, I would look in all directions – including up – before entering a room.”

east-river-master-map AERO has released evacuation notices to areas in the East River Community after the East River Seismic Outpost said that a “humungo event” was in the future.

“We think it will be big enough to clear out huge portions of the community,” they said, “and only a few will be left standing.”

The validity of the claim has yet to be determined but the event seems to coincide with the rumor that a key investor in the ERC will “pull out” at the end of the month.

“It’s possible that the earthquake warning was to get people to leave in advance of an economic collapse,” said a Waterbank University professor.

“One thing we know,” said an AERO representative, “is that the ERC will never be the same by next month.”

Governmental bodies are already squabbling over the political landscape in East River, leading to a number of new turf conflicts. The clamor has grown to alarming levels, so a number of community leaders have turned to the WBA for guidance.

“They’ve been there,” said an East River Councilperson. Suggestions from the WBA include power sharing agreements and assigning new roles for area leaders.

“In some cases existing power structures can remain. The East River Chamber of Commerce and the East River Council are foundations of the area, and can adapt easily with the change. Other institutions such as the East River Committee for Hellvelyn Superiority need to be removed,” said a WBA white paper released earlier this week.

Waterbank Universty suggests a pyramid where a council of governors meets with mayors to formulate regional policy while allowing individual areas their own autonomy. “That way the Mayor of Muirhead Town might enforce a strict artist only tenancy, but still maintain the Barretts Not Ferrets law that was passed in Kirkstone. It’s better for everyone that way,” explained a Waterbank University Law professor.

Community wide resources, such as the East River Police and the ERC Library System would answer to regional leadership while required to respect local ordinances. “In the case of conflicts – say a high speed chase from Muirhead into Mowry – acting enforcement would call for approval from the Mowry Mayor before apprehending the suspect.

“It’s gonna end up that some communities will be safe havens for crooks,” said the ERPD Chief.

“Most mayors will want to help community services,” a Waterbank lawyer refuted, “no one wants criminals running into their backyard.”