Tag Archives: Waterbank News

Our Tulagi Area reporter took to the skies with the Archerfield Free Post to see what a day was like for the former smuggler.

“Everything is done with the ’17,” explained Smuggler X. “ZSK packed her with everything you could want, and she’s my office, control center, and delivery vehicle all in one.”

The day starts at 0500 with orders over the radio, and Smuggler X says that business is thriving.

“Everybody needs something in Tulagi. One morning everybody stopped fighting. The French wouldn’t fly until they got croissants, the Germans refused to man positions without sausages, the Japanese were out of rice, and the Americans said if they got one more can of Spam they’d attack us and forget about the Axis”

At 0600 the orders are all in and he spends his time at the navigator’s desk, plotting his route and calculating drops.

“Some of the combatants are happy to see us but shoot at us all the same,” he told us.

By 0645 he’s in the air, and I get a prime view of the Tulagi Sea and its blue waters from the nose gun. The flying is smooth in the morning we don’t see any fighters, but Smuggler X says it’s not always the case.

“A Claw P-40 dropped out of the sun and hit us last week. They shot up an entire load and we had to turn around. They hate it when we deliver doughnuts.”


In another journalistic first, Waterbank News opened a branch in the Greater Tulagi Region, covering the combat area and its environs for the first time. The Archerfield Office, located to the left of the Information Desk has been sponsored by the Archerfield Manager and endorsed by the ZSK Board of Directors.

“We are very blessed to have avid readers and supporters,” said the Editor-in-Chief. “This will be an exciting development in our coverage.”

Waterbank Associated Press Feed:

Waterbank News staff was rescued in daring amphibious operation on an island in the Tulagi combat area yesterday by Two Tangos Inc.. The Search and Rescue group declined to comment on the details of the operation, but said that “they were emaciated and sober – it was a terrible condition for reporters to be in.”

The reporters had been forced to go on a corporate “retraining” retreat, and had not been heard from in a week. They have been sent to the WIA for debriefing, which told us that they had been rescued from a “luxurious island prison” in the Tulagi area.

“We are giving them whisky and pickled eggs now, and expect them to recover soon,” said the WIA.

The Waterbank News staff has been forced to go on a corporate retreat after its key advertisers found “a disturbing lack of reality” in its stories. The entire staff has been sent to a remote island for “corporate programming” that a spokesman for the Waterbank News Corporation assured us was “no longer run by prison guards.”

The Waterbank News will continue publishing once the retreat has finished.

The Waterbank News caught Chia, CEO of Feral Marine, for a few questions at the Pippen factory:

“There was a massive explosion heard in the ER a few nights ago, what happened!?”

Chia: “Ahh Feral engineers lit off the largest firework known to exist. Those crazy engineers designed a built a 200 inch round mortor tube launched firework. ERPA tried to stop us, but when offered catnip they stuck around to watch the show. It was the largest firework show in ERC history marking the end of the shutdown. Any shattered windows will be replaced free of charge.”

“Something is happening with the front of the factory in Pippen. what can you tell us about that?”

“We are updating the building. Feral has grown and more space is necessary. we are modifying the main pippen plant and also on the look out for more land around the ERC to expand operations into. Feral Brand is and always will be made in the ERC!”

“Is Niosaki Systems still around?”

“Of course they are! Niosaki Systems is part of the ERC, so therefore took part in the ERC shutdown. So, of course you have not seen nor heard from them in awhile.

“Is there any truth to the rumors that ERIA is haunted?”

“Huh? Rumors?……..wait….what are you talking about?

“Are you and Feral Marine in cahoots with the CLAW?”

“”Cahoots”? Who uses that word anymore? Let me see your press credentials again please…”

“Will Feral boats now come with a bow on them when purchased?”
“Allright, this interview is over! Security! Get this person out of my office!”

An official statement is after the jump: Read More