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Tag Archives: ERIA

Recent reports of a “beast-like creature” in the mountainous area behind East River’s major airport, ERIA has sent the Sheriff’s Department into the hills.

“There are plenty of trails and open land there,” said a spokeswoman for the Department. “Our drones get shot down by the residents, so we’ve taken to mounted patrols. As yet there haven’t been any reason to believe the beast is back.”

“Don’t believe a word they say,” said a mountain man on Mt. Montezuma, “they ain’t seen the crazy beast like I have.”

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From our Pippen Office:

SimonPippen Sounds of banging and crashing of metal are coming from the Feral Marine manufacturing facility once again. After a mandatory vacation, Feral Marine is back at work.

About once a year the East River gears down and goes into vacation mode, during which, enforced strictly by the ERPD and ERPA, no work permitted. All of the workers spend time with their friends and family and live life.

“Feral Marine is a proud member of the East River Community. We follow traditions because they are an important part of the culture in this wonderful area.” Said a spokesperson for Feral Marine when asked about the shutdown. “This shut down costs our plant millions every year mostly because our CEO will not allow us to stop paying our workforce over the shutdown. She said it’s one of the benefits of working for Feral Marine.”

The shutdown does not affect the airport (ERIA), due to zoning and East River statutes also permit certain storefronts to remain open through the shutdown every year.

“The East River employees know how to play and have fun. But they also work harder than anyone I have ever seen. We get a years production out of our employees in just 10 months! This permits us to close our plant for another 2 months to comply with the East River traditions. So, competition watch out, your dealing with a well rested, relaxed, and motivated work force here at Feral Marine!” “We are ready to build some BOATS!” said a wild eyed employee as they ran past. When the employee ran past we did catch the very strong scent of catnip.

“This is the East River, catnip is 100% legal, so, of course, most of our employees are blitzed out of their minds on the stuff right now! But ya know, even on the stuff they are safe and build a hell of a product!” said a production manager.

WNransacked

Waterbank News has been ransacked by law enforcement after it was discovered that WN was researching a story on a Catnip/Claw operation in Pippen.

“They knew we’d never give up our sources, so they raided,” explained one reporter.

The CLAW has been accused of running an catnip operation out of Pippen, one of the few areas in the world where the substance is legal. The import export operation, believed to be run out of a company on the Pippen waterfront, has law enforcement befuddled.

“It’s legal here,” explained an East River prosecutor, “and a controlled substance everywhere else. If they are caught outside the area they are in trouble, but here they’re protected – even the CLAW.”

To make things more complicated, shipments bound for airplanes at ERIA are technically outside the East River jurisdiction.

“East River Intercontinental Airport actually sits on a border,” explained a luggage handler at ERIA. “Police could nab the truck at the warehouse but can’t touch it on the runway.”

“They should have what Waterbank has,” said one customer at Pippen Hot. “They’ve got a law on the books that lets them hit the CLAW anywhere.”

Baker and Sun Law Firm, which represents WN, has said that even damning evidence found in the raid would be inadmissible. “You can’t just turn over boxes and drag people to court. There is a proper procedure.”

Police officers on the scene defended themselves in this way:

“The office looks cleaner now.”

SLELflight
Image courtesy of Shergood Aviation (link)

A flight from SLEL fell off the radar today just as ERIA Air Traffic reported a a blip near the flight.

“It’s too strange a coincidence,” said ERIA ATC, “and it happened too fast for any weather problem.”

The flight, a chartered CRJ-700 with an unknown manifest, was flying according to standard flight paths when it fell from tracking. The Claw has not taken responsibility, though there are no other known groups active in that area.

ERIAaeromiaoA passenger on an Aeromiao flight evoked the ire of baggage handlers at ERIA when he demanded that he needed his sandwich from his bag at the bottom of the stack.

East River Intercontinental Airport is following its renovation schedule, and has recently completed new roadways which will “improve logistic and emergency transit” according to Airport Monthly. The magazine, which is closely read by the aviation industry and aircraft manufacturers, also alluded to some unexpected improvements to the airport as well as more links to the local transportation.

The new roadways are also fortified against seismic activity, said the manufacturer, MeshLogic (link).