A Sheriff’s Department vehicle is seen with the fear inducing warning “beast sight” in its back window.
A squirrel was shot and then rushed to a vet yesterday after a Sheriff’s deputy shot it while looking for the beast in East River.
“We’re all on edge,” said the Sheriff, “and the deputy is an inexperienced officer. He was using a rifle scope and was surprised.”
“Squirrels look so cute far away,” the deputy told us, “but through a rifle scope they’re big ugly beasts!”
The East River Police and the Sheriff’s Department are looking into a video found on a mangled body in the woods only a few miles from the Feral Marine compound. On the body a video camera with a damaged cartridge was found.
“The body was found gnawed and mangled,” said a Sheriff’s Deputy, “and it really looks like something the beast would do. We’re advising residents to stay close to home and avoid the hiking trails for the moment.”
The video (link), purchased by Waterbank News, shows a new boat from Feral Marine, and appears to have been cut to promote the new luxury liner. Conspiracy theorists in East River have already suggested that the death was in fact a homicide made to look like the beast had done it.
“Feral’s very secretive,” said a Feral Marine worker off record. “This wouldn’t be the first person something strange happened to.”
East River Police say that they are looking into all possible leads.
Recent reports of a “beast-like creature” in the mountainous area behind East River’s major airport, ERIA has sent the Sheriff’s Department into the hills.
“There are plenty of trails and open land there,” said a spokeswoman for the Department. “Our drones get shot down by the residents, so we’ve taken to mounted patrols. As yet there haven’t been any reason to believe the beast is back.”
“Don’t believe a word they say,” said a mountain man on Mt. Montezuma, “they ain’t seen the crazy beast like I have.”
A picture taken secretly, showing one of the ships under development.
It is being reported by our Pippen office that two new luxury craft are being developed by Feral Marine, and workers are so excited by them that they are leaking information about it.
“It’s in our Pippen facility and it’s hasn’t even made it off paper yet, but it is close,” a worker told us. “If Chia knew we were talking to you she would have us disappeared, all I can tell you right now is that it is about 40 meters long, has 3 bedrooms, two baths, kitchen, dining room, and a bar on the second floor with lounge seating.”
The two luxury craft have been dubbed the Feral Puma and the Feral Jaguar, both of which are likely to follow the release of the MLB. At the time of this article, a scripting team was working on all of the craft.
East River cafe, Holly Golightly has filed a suit in Waterbank District Court against a “troublesome grub wagon” that “has been snaking our customers,” according to the legal filing.
“They may have a case,” said the Waterbank District Attorney, “but I wish they’d hire a lawyer that wasn’t a relative.”
An East River County Fire Department helicopter landed in Munck with great news for real estate developers. According to spokespeople from the County Assessor, Hellvelyn Roads and Works is 100% on track for completing the new roadways, and Governor Chia has an OK from County Fire.
“Isn’t it nice when bureaucracy works,” commented Chia’s personal assistant.
From the police band in the East River, WN intercepted this:
The person known as the “mad bomber” has been seen around the ERB. There are barrels on pallets with explosives on them. If you spot one of these devices Call the CPSO, TTi, ERPA, or CPFR. DO NOT try disarming these devices yourself!