Tag Archives: East River

WIA is sending out warnings to summer travelers that the Claw is doing more, and all over the map.

“There are sightings on East River, Honah, even in the Prototype Tri-State,” said a WIA rep.


A Sheriff’s Department mounted patrol looks over the Mowry communication substation.

A WIA threat assessment that came out yesterday has police and fire departments in the East River area concerned, and several have increased their presence.

“It says that there are several targets that are completely vulnerable,” East River Police told us, “and so we’ve had to pull extra people in.”

Waterbank News went on a ride along in the East River with the Sheriff’s Department and our first stop was coffee at the local favorite, the Claw Cafe in Clawfoote (link).

“Yeah, a lot people are angry that people are so cozy with the Claw here on the Upper East [River],” said the Deputy and captain of our ride, “but there’s no proof of anything criminal here but the prices.”

“We came out here twice on raids authorized by East River Port Authority and found nothing. They even helped us look around and gave us free sandwiches. It’s pretty hard not to love this place. Their menu items are pretty amazing and they serve Tunisian Moon Coffee.”

While we ate, we talked about life on the river and the boat we were using, a MLB from Feral Marine (link).

“This boat’s seen some things,” they told us. “Rescues, catnip deals gone bad, and even some races with ERPA too. She won, by the way.”

We asked about what the latest issues on the East River and the Deputy almost dropped her sandwich. “Catnip smugglers! Those sons of sandy areas are too scared to move it directly and have been floating their contraband down the river. There’s so many getting strung out that the ER Council’s talking about opening a Cat-a-torium.”

Later that day we saw the crates in question

After our breakfast we got back on board and patrolled for five hours. It was a long shift, and we asked about the New Year’s Heist.

“Well, we know that several of them were eaten by the Beasts,” the Deputy told us, “but the rest are still out there. I’ve heard they may bring in bounty hunters to track them down.”

Asked about the Beast, the Deputy looked nervously around. “Yeah, they’re out there. Scientists think that they only feed every month or so and that’s why they’re so hard to find.”

As our day finished we asked if there was anything they wanted to say to our readers.

“Oh, yeah. Be safe on the water, Stay clear of catnip, and try the cafe. You may feel differently about the Claw after that.”

Locals are saying it’s true, but that it’s no big thing.

“Look,” said one mother of two, “everybody likes coffee in the morning, and frankly, with two kids I can get coffee in the morning and wine at night.”

“Oh yeah-hummm,” said a nearby shopper. “Pinots and Shirazees!”

“These ladies have it right,” said a man laughing, “This little shop serves the community. Good coffee, doughnuts, and excellent wine. You can drive or sail right up to the door. So what if they’re part of some nefarious organization?”

Find the cafe here (link). Wine is part of the Ex Machina Gacha (Imaginarium link).