East River cafe, Holly Golightly has filed a suit in Waterbank District Court against a “troublesome grub wagon” that “has been snaking our customers,” according to the legal filing.
“They may have a case,” said the Waterbank District Attorney, “but I wish they’d hire a lawyer that wasn’t a relative.”
An East River County Fire Department helicopter landed in Munck with great news for real estate developers. According to spokespeople from the County Assessor, Hellvelyn Roads and Works is 100% on track for completing the new roadways, and Governor Chia has an OK from County Fire.
“Isn’t it nice when bureaucracy works,” commented Chia’s personal assistant.
From the police band in the East River, WN intercepted this:
The person known as the “mad bomber” has been seen around the ERB. There are barrels on pallets with explosives on them. If you spot one of these devices Call the CPSO, TTi, ERPA, or CPFR. DO NOT try disarming these devices yourself!
Due to the bravery and fortitude of East River’s citizens and in large part due to the vision of Provincial Governor Chia, the East River is alive and well. Political systems have been restored, essential services are again returning to normal, and a massive revitalization effort is underway.
Confidence in the area is at a record high as Regional Governors like Sam Stable Colt manage key properties and add to the stability.
“Sam bought the East River Villages,” explained an East River tour guide, “which is a large tract of over 100,000 meters. He won an award from the East River Chamber of Commerce for it. The “Citizen of the Year” award!”
“The money is flowing,” said a WBA spokesperson, “and there are some fun things in works. East River is a destination again!”
Faced with the largest building improvement project since the sack of Rome, Governor Chia is overseeing round the clock building and reconstruction in East River. The town of Hellvelyn (pictured above) is getting a whole new infra and understructure, civic improvements, and new night time venues. Pippen is slated for a new waterfront, and tens of other East River sites are set to have improvements or be developed.
“This is exactly what the region needs,” said WBA President Sketch Sun. “This is a vital economic area that needs strategic civic planning and improvement. Kudos, Chia!”
The East River Port Authority, which was recently accused in the court of public opinion for nebulous ties to the Claw, was exonerated by none other than the Claw itself.
Despite vehement statements from ERPA, the public continued to blame the organization for hoarding doughnuts and profiting by the price hikes. ERPA, which had previously been held in high regard by the community, believes the viral video of a man wearing an ERPA t-shirt throwing a half eaten crawler into the water was the act of a citizen and not one of their members.
The Claw stepped in yesterday with an official statement. “We can verify that the ERPA doughnuts are locally bought and not ours. If they were you see the glistening refined sugar and delicate cake underneath. Those doughnuts… well… police can’t be too picky, I guess.”
After restoring a political order to the East River, Governor Chia has created a few roles to assist in the administration of the redrawn areas, offering incentives – including financial – to those hired.
– Town Manager of Helvellyn, a significant job that includes handling rentals. A full description comes after the jump.
– Night Club Promoter, a person who can promote and run a nightclub in Helvellyn
– Lackey, an all around whipping person and scapegoat
More details follow after the jump: