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Tag Archives: East River Intercontinental Airport – ERIA

ER Fire Department made locals very happy when they saved a stockpile of catnip from a burning building yesterday.

“We saved it all,” the fire chief proudly announced.

“It would have been nice if they put out the fire instead,” said the business owner.


East River Police are executing a search warrant for the reporter’s notebooks as detectives scramble to hold together a disintegrating case. “If we don’t find anything in the next few hours we have to let them go,” said ERIA PD.

“We’ll snap’em up as soon as ERIA PD lets them out,” said East River Police. “Then the Sheriff’s, then back to ERIA PD, every 24 hours.”

According to E. Paklena, “Pippen Parkway has been realigned at the entrance to East River Intercontinental Airport to now provide a straight path from the Linden Road down to the Borough, eliminating the sharp double turn across the RapidER tracks.”

The move settles a maintenance ticket from last month when a Tunisian Moon Coffee truck crashed, spilling a certain East River VIP’s cappuccino. See the gleaming new asphalt here (link)

The docks in Pippen are believed to be the escape route for the napkin thieves.

The damning cocktail napkins that sent three reporters to prison have been stolen in a midnight heist at ERIA Police Station.

“At first we thought the evidence locker guy might have used them,” said ERIA PD. “Then we saw the broken windows.”

The thieves are believed to have used a the dockyard at Pippen to escape with the evidence, and police are following up with a new napkin found at the docks.

“It’s the number of a bartender at a Dutch Harbor club,” ERIA PD told us, “who apparently thought the guy was cute. We have put out an APB on an individual with ‘dreamy eyes, a captivating smile, and a cute butt.'”

An inside source at WIA has told us that ERIA Cargo has been linked to several black ops in the West River area, and that the freight operation “sometimes confuses cargo with car-boom.”

According to the source a recent op targeted a high value sand thief while they were traveling to a remote airfield. The hit was arranged by a “private party” who used one of HIT Corp’s competitors.

“It’s getting ugly out there,” said our source, “and off books hits are coming from one sand thief to another catnip grower.”

We asked HIT Corp about the story and they said “grrrrrr.”

The new East River Civic Center and its groundbreaking gender neutral bathroom

Completing phase 12 of an ambitious 60 part plan, the East River has centralized itself in the hamlet of Grizedale (link), transforming the suburban area to an administrative hub for one of the world’s largest economies. Ringed around a new ERC Civic Center, Grizedale now has a post office, businesses, and
essential services under construction.

“Governor Chia has really caught on to somethin’,” said one construction foreperson we spoke to. “She’s got all these admin buildings and services right here – real central like. Cops, firepeople, and everyone can go straight from here to anywhere in the ERC, and everybody files papers here. It’s a good thing.”

The Grizedale phase is just one part of the overall project which includes a new GTFO port and augmented airport in Pippen, more artist studios in Hellevelyn, and new factories for Feral Marine.

“‘Think big’ is the motto of the Feral Corporation,” explained ERC Legal council. “That is how they’ve stayed so powerful while West River imploded.”

The plan has wide support from the community, and Waterbank citizens have donated hours of community service to support the changes. At the same time that people are excited about the increase of trade, some residents are concerned that things are being pushed by catnip money and that the East River might turn into a criminal haven.

“This isn’t Bay Cities,” said an East River policeperson we asked. “This may be one of the few places where catnip is legal, but we have an active community that can handle what comes. Fire, police, port authority, hospital, even some commando units. People shouldn’t worry about it.”

“I have to admit,” said the intern at Grace Development Agency, “that I was hoping that they would bring back the gambling catnip paddleboats of yesteryear to East River. Top hats, and grass flecked noses – those were the days.”