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Tag Archives: East River Intercontinental Airport – ERIA

Secrecy was surrounding a Vulture Air hangar at ERIA yesterday when a MOFT vehicle was seen loading a mysterious box for shipping.

“We all joked it was the Ark of the Covenant,” said a ground crew leader, “but the MOFT guy didn’t laugh. I really hope it’s not the Ark.”

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Emergency responders arrived at the Clawfoote Cafe thinking that the whole thing might have been a hoax.

“The Clawfoote is usually where we meet for lunch,” said a WAX EMT, so we kinda thought it might be someone joking.”

When they arrived however, they found three victims, an entire family that was unconscious and unresponsive.

“The Clawfoote is awesome, but there are no roads to it,” the EMT explained. “It’s boat or seaplane. We happened to be practicing air rescues, and it’s a good thing. We loaded up all three and flew to the ERIA Seaplane Terminal in Pippen (link). From there it’s 450 meters to the ERH – the hospital. It’s a good thing Xi Larnia is so forward thinking.”

The family is currently recovering at East River Hospital and doctors say that they have been successfully treated for sticker shock.

Ground crews and passengers at ERIA shared a bit of levity yesterday when a follow car, the car that directs airplanes to their gate, stopped for gas.

“I got out, put the gas nozzle in, and looked up,” explained the driver. “And there’s this 727 looming over my trunk. I guess I forgot to actually tell them to park.”

According to sources the follow car led the airliner to the gate, then went for gas. Everything seemed normal to the pilots, but the follow car never told them to park.

“There’s nothing funny about this,” complained the pilot. “You try doing a 3 point turn to back up a 727!”

Sheriff Department deputies found a car with its door open near ERIA this week, and the Department is calling it a kidnapping.

“There were signs of sheep all over the car,” a deputy told us, “and half chewed grasses. I think it’s safe to say that kids were involved.”

Asked why they thought it was young sheep that were taken, the deputy said “It’s just this job. It makes you see the baaa- baaa-d.”

The armored car service SetGol was seen delivering something to ERIA last week, and airport personnel are still talking about it.

“We never get deliveries like that,” said one baggage handler. “Unless there’s something really big. I think it’s like some super-secret weapon design from Feral.”

“He always thinks that,” said his coworker. “It’s probably just some big diamond.”

“Why don’t you get me some big diamond,” the woman next to the coworker said. “We’ve been going out for fifteen years and the last thing you got me was a soda!”

A passenger that was found dead in their seat is the subject of an investigation at ERIA, and the airline has been trying to cover it up.

“They even told us we’d be fired if we talked about it,” said one flight attendant.

Little is known at the moment about the death, which other passengers failed to notice.

“I just thought he was a great guy,” said the passenger in the seat next to the victim, “he never bothered me once.”