Tag Archives: East River Intercontinental Airport – ERIA

Increases in river, road, and air traffic in the East and West River areas has put pressure on area leaders to rethink how their ports and airports are arranged.

“We’re looking at tomorrow, not today,” said a councilwoman in West River, “and the reality is yesterday. We should be more like the East River and ERIA – they’ve got a better handle on it.”


An investigation into the crash of a 727 onto the ERIA tarmac is underway after the footage from a Waterbank News drone captured a single individual watching, and then running away.

“We thought it was pilot error,” said an ERIA PD detective, “however, there are too many unanswered questions.”

“For such a big blaze, it’s really strange to have no bodies,” said a WAA investigator consulting on the case. “It’s unlikely that they could have jumped out of a craft like that in time. Something’s going on here.”

The plans taken by New Year’s heist thieves is code named “Ripper,” a new product in development by Feral Marine.

Lawyers are descending on Waterbank News as the secret documents that were allegedly stolen in the New Year’s heist have come to light.

“We found this roll of blueprints and printouts on a body in Blackslough,” an ERIA PD officer told us. “It looked like some kind of new patrol ship. While we were dealing with the body, the plans were yoinked from the hood of our car.”

The new thief was chased into the mountains behind East River Intercontinental Airport and escaped. They were later caught by a mounted patrol near the peak.

“I heard this ridiculous evil laughter and thought I had better check it out,” said the Sheriff’s Department deputy on patrol that day. “The guy was laughing like a fool until I arrested him and took the plans. The guys at the station nicknamed him ‘Mopey’ after that.”

The plans were then placed on the front desk of the Sheriff’s office in Pippen, where they were yoinked again. That, dear readers, is how you see them here.

Photos have emerged of a Claw lear jet at ERIA, and according to night maintenance crews, the Claw has been flying in and out for weeks.

“Yeah, theyz comez in all the timez,” said one frostbitten ground crew. “They givez us-s-s coffee. It’s a beauti-f-ful jet-t. Very warm inside.”

Ground crews have said that the Claw crew is “well mannered,” and is thrilled with ZSK. “It’s the first time they kept the manufacturers paint,” they explained in the Unity Airlines lounge. “Really, a Claw approved paint. ZSK thinks of every customer.”

The ZSK lear can be found at the Marketplace or Archerfield in Tulagi (link).

The manhunt for eight fugitives involved in the New Year’s heist has gotten a second wind after a body was discovered half eaten by the Beast.

“We’re looking for the Beast and the fugitives now,” said East River Police. “And while we are at it we might as well look for Officer-No-Good.”

“Officer No-Good” is local ERPD slang for an officer that is using the manhunt as an excuse to take time off. Apparently so many of the departments participating in the search have been slacking off that there is a new term, “manhuntin'” which means to be slacking while searching.

“Off the record,” said one ERIA PD officer, “I found two Helvellyn cops asleep in the Vulture Air hangar the other day. Manhuntin’. Hey – I said ‘off record!’ Off record! You’re recording this?! Come back here!”

Home to the Pier in Selby, a food truck court, an arcade, and the dive bar Elbow Room, the Courtyard in Mare is a traveler’s favorite just northwest of Mowry on the main interstate (link). Visitors to the Greater East River Area know that the entire area has been greatly improved, with improved access for recreational drivers and emergency coverage from Central Pierce Fire and East River Driver’s Association, a non profit providing hubcap lugs for wayward truckers.

To access this beautifully developed string of communities along the East River and Western Gulf, fly into the East River Intercontinental Airport and drive north towards Mowry (just follow the signs!). Turn left on the interstate and after Mowry and the Salem School , Mare is on the right.

People preferring public transit can take the RapidER to Walsingham Westgate Station and walk north for 1 kilometer.