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east-river-master-map AERO has released evacuation notices to areas in the East River Community after the East River Seismic Outpost said that a “humungo event” was in the future.

“We think it will be big enough to clear out huge portions of the community,” they said, “and only a few will be left standing.”

The validity of the claim has yet to be determined but the event seems to coincide with the rumor that a key investor in the ERC will “pull out” at the end of the month.

“It’s possible that the earthquake warning was to get people to leave in advance of an economic collapse,” said a Waterbank University professor.

“One thing we know,” said an AERO representative, “is that the ERC will never be the same by next month.”

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eastriverproperties

Waterbank News has learned that the East River Community (ERC) is opening its holdings to new investors and developers, which may change the river. According to inside sources, the key land holder, Indigo Mertel is looking to reduce her substantial holdings and is actively looking for new people to fill the East River properties.

“Substantial doesn’t do it justice,” said the intern at Grace Development Agency. “Indigo has massive tracts along some of the most valuable land in the world. If those properties are opened up it will be like a gold rush.”

The East River greater area is considered to be one of the leading economies on its continent, with industrial areas, ports, scenic destinations, and several transit centers. The possible sale of properties would not affect East River Intercontinental Airport or the commercial area in Pippen, which is under a different owner.

Buyers and investors should contact Indigo Mertel directly to find out more.

mowrycatcafe

Mowry Cat Cafe’, a picture perfect diner on top of the hill above Mowry (link), has been voted “Best Indie” by the Mowry Morning Gazette. The newspaper says that the cafe’ has “the most relaxing views” and “a surprising blackberry tart.”

It is unclear whether the cats on Roombas influenced the decision to vote it “Best Indie,” but several reporters on our staff attest that the blackberry tart is great. “It’s got a tart sweetness, and a lemon cookie crust,” explained one.

ERborder Photo depicting East River and its contentious border was supplied by the WIA. Requesting reporter is marked in gold.

The East River border dispute has gotten more intense as law enforcement agencies outside the region have filed claim to a portion of the East River Intercontinental Airport in Waterbank Supreme Court.

“It is preposterous that a major transport hub is being used to convey contraband,” said legal counsel for the law enforcement agencies. “What next? Are they going to say all sand is legal? East River needs to consider what it means to follow intercontinental accords.”

East River counsel, the famed Baker and Sun Law Firm, retorted in a press conference across the street from the claimants. “Catnip is a controlled substance, but that doesn’t make it illegal. It has the same caveats that an East River Vineyard’s Merlot has. Don’t drive or operate heavy machinery. East River doesn’t recognize what other areas are calling a “medical menace.”

The majority of the airport is currently within the East River boundary. The East River Chamber of Commerce estimates that only two percent of the visitors to the area use catnip recreationally. The WBA believes that to be ten percent.

KirkRavenGhost

Ravenghost Interiors Mainstore, in Kirkstone (link), has won an award for its interior designs, and has been holding wine tastings in its store. The store, which is part of the Kirkstone Business Collective, offers well crafted interior pieces, and some specialty items, like a beautifully crafted medieval dragon canoe. Visitors and buyers can follow the above link to visit the store.

Notice from East River Police: One of the roads leading to Kirkstone is under repair and inaccessible. Visitors are encouraged to charter a boat and dock at the Kirkstone dock.

ERPAhead
A water map of East River and environs with ERPA in purple

The East River Port Authority has opened a new facility in Selby, and after a recent tour, WBA President Sketch Sun called for an immediate expansion of the agency.

Sketch Sun, seen at right in a mugshot taken for publicity was quick to talk about ERPA when he returned to the office.

“You should see the facility,” he told us, “state of the art with road and air access. It is a perfect headquarters to oversee and administer waterways. They do a great job on the East River and I think we should expand their role to neighboring waterways.”

WBAss

“I agree completely,” the new Waterbank Sheriff told us at Pippen Hot. “Right now you’ve got East River PD landlocked on the roads, but let’s face it. This is a river and lake community. Let ERPD handle the towns, let VCG handle the heavy action on the seas, and let ERPA do everything else.”

More after the jump: Read More

ERIAaeromiaoA passenger on an Aeromiao flight evoked the ire of baggage handlers at ERIA when he demanded that he needed his sandwich from his bag at the bottom of the stack.

East River Intercontinental Airport is following its renovation schedule, and has recently completed new roadways which will “improve logistic and emergency transit” according to Airport Monthly. The magazine, which is closely read by the aviation industry and aircraft manufacturers, also alluded to some unexpected improvements to the airport as well as more links to the local transportation.

The new roadways are also fortified against seismic activity, said the manufacturer, MeshLogic (link).