Tag Archives: East River Community

The GTFO Hub, with a new Lusch Motors Hermes truck in the background.

The GTFO protocols are in heavy use in East River, and it’s logistics coordinators like Saga Virtanen (combine.clary) that are making it happen. We caught her at GTFO Sansara Northeast, in McFee (link), where a few shipments of high grade sugar had piqued the interest of the local Sheriff’s Department.

“I thought my snitch, Huggy Bear was talking about something else,” said the deputy. “He really meant sugar!”

east-river-master-map AERO has released evacuation notices to areas in the East River Community after the East River Seismic Outpost said that a “humungo event” was in the future.

“We think it will be big enough to clear out huge portions of the community,” they said, “and only a few will be left standing.”

The validity of the claim has yet to be determined but the event seems to coincide with the rumor that a key investor in the ERC will “pull out” at the end of the month.

“It’s possible that the earthquake warning was to get people to leave in advance of an economic collapse,” said a Waterbank University professor.

“One thing we know,” said an AERO representative, “is that the ERC will never be the same by next month.”


Waterbank News has learned that the East River Community (ERC) is opening its holdings to new investors and developers, which may change the river. According to inside sources, the key land holder, Indigo Mertel is looking to reduce her substantial holdings and is actively looking for new people to fill the East River properties.

“Substantial doesn’t do it justice,” said the intern at Grace Development Agency. “Indigo has massive tracts along some of the most valuable land in the world. If those properties are opened up it will be like a gold rush.”

The East River greater area is considered to be one of the leading economies on its continent, with industrial areas, ports, scenic destinations, and several transit centers. The possible sale of properties would not affect East River Intercontinental Airport or the commercial area in Pippen, which is under a different owner.

Buyers and investors should contact Indigo Mertel directly to find out more.


Mowry Cat Cafe’, a picture perfect diner on top of the hill above Mowry (link), has been voted “Best Indie” by the Mowry Morning Gazette. The newspaper says that the cafe’ has “the most relaxing views” and “a surprising blackberry tart.”

It is unclear whether the cats on Roombas influenced the decision to vote it “Best Indie,” but several reporters on our staff attest that the blackberry tart is great. “It’s got a tart sweetness, and a lemon cookie crust,” explained one.

ERborder Photo depicting East River and its contentious border was supplied by the WIA. Requesting reporter is marked in gold.

The East River border dispute has gotten more intense as law enforcement agencies outside the region have filed claim to a portion of the East River Intercontinental Airport in Waterbank Supreme Court.

“It is preposterous that a major transport hub is being used to convey contraband,” said legal counsel for the law enforcement agencies. “What next? Are they going to say all sand is legal? East River needs to consider what it means to follow intercontinental accords.”

East River counsel, the famed Baker and Sun Law Firm, retorted in a press conference across the street from the claimants. “Catnip is a controlled substance, but that doesn’t make it illegal. It has the same caveats that an East River Vineyard’s Merlot has. Don’t drive or operate heavy machinery. East River doesn’t recognize what other areas are calling a “medical menace.”

The majority of the airport is currently within the East River boundary. The East River Chamber of Commerce estimates that only two percent of the visitors to the area use catnip recreationally. The WBA believes that to be ten percent.


Ravenghost Interiors Mainstore, in Kirkstone (link), has won an award for its interior designs, and has been holding wine tastings in its store. The store, which is part of the Kirkstone Business Collective, offers well crafted interior pieces, and some specialty items, like a beautifully crafted medieval dragon canoe. Visitors and buyers can follow the above link to visit the store.

Notice from East River Police: One of the roads leading to Kirkstone is under repair and inaccessible. Visitors are encouraged to charter a boat and dock at the Kirkstone dock.