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Police in the Greater Tulagi Area arrested an overexcited ZSK customer who had chained himself to the showroom model of the new jet, demanding its immediate release.

“He was an absolute nutter,” said the arresting officer.

The customer was then driven down the road, where officers decided to break for lunch.

“It was a perfect time for a break,” said the officer, “so we even bought the guy a burger. He took one look at it and started running for Archerfield, screaming “let me buy it, let me buy it. Then he ran smack into the doorframe and – bam – out like a light. I almost feel sorry for the guy.”

The police then ate all the man’s fries.

“I said I felt ‘almost’ sorry for him, right?”

Smuggler X’s recent opening of a “delivery and postal service” in the Archerfield area hasn’t impressed certain law enforcement agencies, who still have outstanding warrants.

“My kid still has no sand for his sandbox,” said a Waterbank Police lieutenant. “And our volleyball court has rocks.”

Agencies such as the WPD, Sheriff’s Department, ERIA PD, ERPA, and GridEx security all have outstanding warrants for the smuggler.

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A Waterbank cold case has been reopened after the discovery of vehicle under water in Second Norway. The case involves the disappearance of a Waterbank senator at the height of the Undine Conflict, a crime that has long been suspected to be perpetrated by the ULF. Both the senator and his vehicle went missing several years ago, taking a major opponent to the ULF out of the advisory body to Waterbank.

“The senator was rabidly anti-ULF,” explained a Waterbank historian, “so there’s definitely motive there. There are some conspiracies about the WIA too. The police will have a lot to sort through.”

“We can’t rule anything out,” said the detective on the case. “We’re even looking at the vehicle itself. It appears to have been driven off the pier deliberately. It’s a SZYM Chancellor, which is one of the sturdiest vehicles out there. There’s no way the senator and the driver’s bodies would have had those kinds of injuries with that vehicle. There’s a reason why VIPs still use it.”

Waterbank Police have said that they will continue the investigation as long as there is a trail to follow.

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The original structure in Selby (link) has been streamlined.

The East River Port Authority has rescaled operations to fit the ever-changing East River, downsizing some facilities while adding new substations in other locations.

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“We needed to change to meet the new reality,” said ERPA Commander Arianna Blackheart. “With the economic crises in the ERC due to the devastation from the Zombism at ERIA and the crab scourge we decided to downsize a bit.”

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Recent events in the East River have affected the civil administration of East River, but ERPA second in command Lt. Underland (яσмαи undєrlαnd (channelstrip) assured the Waterbank News that ERPA would be there to stay. “We’ve got new air assets, and new craft from Feral coming. We’re here and ready.”

“Piracy, smuggling, and catnip is up on the river,” an East River Policewoman told us, “but we’ve got no worries. ERPA’s been there every time.”

ERPA still actively patrols the river and has been unofficially credited with a drop in piracy.

Case DAN-00045L, nicknamed “Dan-Dan in the Can-Can,” lost its appeal in Waterbank Superior Court yesterday, allowing Waterbank courts to pass judgement on the aircraft company. In a long winded statement that echoed many in the aircraft industry, the judge condemned the company.

“They failed to satisfactorily show originality in the design process, and have continued to sell to an unsuspecting public. The testimony of their peers was illuminating, and it falls to this court to ensure that within the jurisdiction of Waterbank, all Dani craft are seized, destroyed, and recycled. Damages and restitutions to Waterbank citizens will have to be made in a separate suit.”