Tag Archives: Chia

An East River County Fire Department helicopter landed in Munck with great news for real estate developers. According to spokespeople from the County Assessor, Hellvelyn Roads and Works is 100% on track for completing the new roadways, and Governor Chia has an OK from County Fire.

“Isn’t it nice when bureaucracy works,” commented Chia’s personal assistant.


Due to the bravery and fortitude of East River’s citizens and in large part due to the vision of Provincial Governor Chia, the East River is alive and well. Political systems have been restored, essential services are again returning to normal, and a massive revitalization effort is underway.

Confidence in the area is at a record high as Regional Governors like Sam Stable Colt manage key properties and add to the stability.

“Sam bought the East River Villages,” explained an East River tour guide, “which is a large tract of over 100,000 meters. He won an award from the East River Chamber of Commerce for it. The “Citizen of the Year” award!”

“The money is flowing,” said a WBA spokesperson, “and there are some fun things in works. East River is a destination again!”

Faced with the largest building improvement project since the sack of Rome, Governor Chia is overseeing round the clock building and reconstruction in East River. The town of Hellvelyn (pictured above) is getting a whole new infra and understructure, civic improvements, and new night time venues. Pippen is slated for a new waterfront, and tens of other East River sites are set to have improvements or be developed.

“This is exactly what the region needs,” said WBA President Sketch Sun. “This is a vital economic area that needs strategic civic planning and improvement. Kudos, Chia!”

After restoring a political order to the East River, Governor Chia has created a few roles to assist in the administration of the redrawn areas, offering incentives – including financial – to those hired.

– Town Manager of Helvellyn, a significant job that includes handling rentals. A full description comes after the jump.
– Night Club Promoter, a person who can promote and run a nightclub in Helvellyn
– Lackey, an all around whipping person and scapegoat

More details follow after the jump:

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Residents of the Pippen and Blackslough area were stunned by the news that Feral Marine was closing its showroom in Pippen, and feared that the East River industrial bulwark might pull out of the troubled area. Waterbank News is proud to allay fears that residents may have, and reports that the company is merely restructuring. According to Volchia Ferduccio, CEO of Feral Marine, a massive backlog of prototype boats and a number of ambitious new projects are forcing the company to make space. The new main show room will be in the Blake Sea area (link), and Pippen will be a prototype and research and development complex.

Heavy construction is expected in Pippen soon as FM looks to repurpose the waterfront to a development area, and construction workers are already arriving, resulting in a sharp decline in doughnuts.

“Pippen Hot is out of crawlers by 6 am,” griped one customer. “Forget about the maple bars.”

Chia, CEO and chief creator at Feral has reportedly sent a formal request to the Grace Development Agency design offices for a new plan, under the condition that the intern responsible for previous designs be let go.

Grace Development Agency has since sent the intern back to Waterbank University with the public statement that they appreciated the university for all that they will be doing.

A receptionist at Grace Development said that the change was unfair, and cried as she told us, “he was just so cute!”

Grace Development has released the design specifications to the public in an effort to provide a better design for Feral Marine See the design specs after the jump).

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The WBA has commissioned a massive megaproject impact study for the Blackslouph Pippen area (Black Pippen) to see what it would take to relocate key infrastructure from the East River into Black Pippen. The plan that was returned to the WBA from Grace Development’s intern was more than what anyone could have imagined.

“To fit all the key departments and necessary government functions in ERC – people that currently are spread over a large area – you have to rethink the space,” the intern explained. “For starters, you need to use the space under the ERIA tarmac, and build a town under there. Some of the buildings can be empty support columns for the tarmac, but you need some space for parking and a new civic center. In Plan 957 A we imagined that Governor Chia is taking a major role in river politics, and that having several GTFO cargo facilities would drive the economy of the area.”


The plan also calls for the construction of a “Grand Central” railway station, cargo docks on the river, and a “taller more pragmatic” hospital in Pippen. A network of roadways underneath the airport would allow for more vehicle traffic, and the intern placed the controversial “Pippen Highway” just under the tarmac.

“I’m a sucker for high speed chases,” he explained.


The third cordon around an ongoing Zombism infestation at East River Intercontinental Airport was broken yesterday, and was not contained until this morning.

“There were emergency personnel and zombie hunters inside the terminal, but somehow one of the chompers limped past the security detail and bit a WAX EMT. Then it was mayhem for two hours,” recalled one Sheriff’s Deputy.

According to survivors on the scene all of the Pippen administration were called out to fight back the zombies, and witnesses say that a bandoliered Chia and a dual gun toting Elisha Paklena threw themselves into a horde to fight them back. Xi Larnia drove a solar powered truck into one side of the horde, forcing them against the ERIA retaining wall for “easy removal” as they put it.

By 7 AM the third cordon was back in place and the WBA sent specialty coffee drinks to the exhausted combatants. Pippen Hot’s latest espresso drink, the “Bite Back” seems to have been a big hit, inspiring several fighters to get back in.

The Bite Back:Two espresso shots, two drops of strawberry liqueur, one drop of Tabasco, and a dallop of patented Pippen cream.