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East River investigators are looking into a mysterious crash of a United City States helicopter only thirty minutes after landing at the Michie Marine compound at the mouth of the East River. Witnesses that saw the helicopter land say that something was loaded onto it and it took off shortly after landing.

“Michie is a philanthropist beyond suspicion,” said the Sheriff’s Department. “I think it’s likely that there was a mechanical failure.”

Photos of a Coastal Patrol craft, the exquisite ZSK P-40, painted by FI Paints over Half Hitch

After a WIA white paper on Half Hitch was left at Club Shinjuku in Prototype, drunken officers of the Coastal Patrol decided to “adopt” the ill-fated island. Promising air cover and their undying vigilance, the CP officers sang a few lines of the island’s song, “Little Fishes,” until a no-longer-amused Will Szymborska had them thrown out.

“I’m pretty sure there are no limericks in the song,” he was overheard saying, “and everyone knows the bad history between Half Hitch and Nantucket.”

Half Hitch, our reporters discovered after they shook the condensation from the white paper, has been in financial straits. The impoverished island lost some of its key fisherpeople to the Waterbank Fishing Company (WFC), and the island’s local fish population has been depleted from overfishing. They are still recovering from their fight for independence, and there are still mines near the harbor, making it a poor choice for the growing GTFO trade.

“We are hoping for tourism,” said one old man on Half Hitch. “Come and try our seaweed sandwiches.”

Local rez for Half Hitch is here (link)

The WBA has been discretely meeting with staff at Feral Marine on Feral Marine’s pleasure cruiser, and speculation about the topic has all the customers at Pippen Hot coffee talking.

“It’s gotta be a conspiracy to take over Pippen,” said one over-caffeinated patron.

“I heard,” whispered another, “that the WBA is really just the WIA and that it’s all part of the Illuminotti.”

The barista tisked. “The Illuminotti is our special biscotti made of candied nuts.”

“I think you’re all nuts,” said the Waterbank News intern. “Just walk over there and ask them what they’re doing.”

Dutch Harbor has topped the WBA destinations list for the third week running after recent renovations has made the already popular destination irresistible.

“There’s a new bistro overlooking the bay, nightclubs, and smoky jazz spots,” said Sketch Sun, “and a romantic promenade overlooking some of the finest boats in the world. It’s a sailor’s dream come true. There’s so much to see and do, there ought to be a hotel for people.”

Other people polled at Dutch Harbor felt the same way. “It’s like Disneyland if Jacque Cousteau designed it,” said one person admiring the sleek new Bandit 55.

Dutch Harbor is accessible by sea, link at right, or all finer travel agencies.