ERPA Exonerated

The East River Port Authority, which was recently accused in the court of public opinion for nebulous ties to the Claw, was exonerated by none other than the Claw itself.

Despite vehement statements from ERPA, the public continued to blame the organization for hoarding doughnuts and profiting by the price hikes. ERPA, which had previously been held in high regard by the community, believes the viral video of a man wearing an ERPA t-shirt throwing a half eaten crawler into the water was the act of a citizen and not one of their members.

The Claw stepped in yesterday with an official statement. “We can verify that the ERPA doughnuts are locally bought and not ours. If they were you see the glistening refined sugar and delicate cake underneath. Those doughnuts… well… police can’t be too picky, I guess.”


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