Krisp Report: Canton Crisis

Canton2ndAve Readers,

I’m here at Canton, and let me tell you something this is a fine city with some interesting people. On 2nd Avenue I ran into Friedrich Schechtmann, a well dressed man with a heavy European accent and asked him about the city.


“Vell, it’s a razer nice place to look at — ze buildings are of fine design, but I have not had ze privilege to talk to many of ze people. And I find myself alarmed zat I’ve yet to find a public restroom.”

Freidrich is not the only one. Homeless at Lemon and 45th were also complaining, stomping their feet at the cold and the need. “I gots ta go,” squealed one homeless man, who was waving his arms in a special dance to ward off the need. “But isso cold!”


Friedrich summed up the problem. “It is a most distressing public health crisis zat ve find ourselves in. Ve are not at liberty to expunge ourselves of our unvanted bodily fluids and zis is most disconcerting.”

From City of Canton, and looking at everything,

Kallie Krisp

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