ERPA Tries To Close Waterbank News

WBgamb A picture of the Waterbank News slot machine that ERPA wants to confiscate.

The East River Port Authority attempted to close Waterbank News today, saying that “a den of gambling, debauchery, and libel had affected the flow of business along the waterway.”

Officers from ERPA arrived at the Pippen Docks in a prototype MLB from Feral Marine and walked directly to the main door of the WBA and Waterbank News’ office, only to be held back by angry patrons of Pippen Hot, the Pippen espresso bar and culture hotspot.

“We weren’t gonna let them take anything,” said one patron proudly, “and certainly not our favorite slot machine!”

The five officers from ERPA soon were surrounded by angry people who took advantage of the moment to voice their discontent about other ERPA actions.

“License more dock space!” and “clean up the river!” could be heard as the crowd shoved the overwhelmed officers back toward the dock.

“More freedom to hunt the beast!” one exclaimed, in response the recent ruling that RPGs were not allowed to be used on the East River (they are allowed in some areas of nearby lakes).

East River Police arrived on the scene and began to try to quiet the crowd, to no avail. It seemed that there might be a riot until Clara Niosaki (of Niosaki Systems) and Chia (of Feral Marine) walked through the center of the crowd to the coffee bar. Immediately everyone watched the two captains of industry, waiting to see which side they would favor.

“Isn’t anyone working today,” Chia asked, and the entire crowd went wild with laughter, and began to move back to their jobs on the waterfront. East River Police suggested that ERPA serve papers if they want to close Waterbank News. The shocked officers agreed and quickly left the dock.

Clara Niosaki asked another question. “At the risk of another riot, where are all the biscotti?”

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