Mayor No Show in East River Crab Attack

Waterbank’s Mayor was a no show after a Waterbank Citizen was the victim of a crab attack on the East River. The victim, who suffered a number of incisions, was taken to the East River Hospital by Waterbank Auxiliary paramedics, who were surprised that the Mayor didn’t show.

“It’s the kind of thing she usually does,” the EMT said, “comfort a Waterbank citizen in need. And this time it’s really close to the office.”

The Mayor has missed a number of meetings lately, and some people are calling for a special election for her replacement. “We need someone new,” said the spokesperson for the New Year, New Mayor movement. “Here we have a victim in a tragic assault, and she’s not even there to lend support.”

“It’s hardly a tragic assault,” scoffed a nurse at the East River Hospital, “There were only two crabs, and we administered two Band-Aids.”


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