Reporters were shocked after an East River Police map of Beast activity was discovered on the police captain’s desk.

“It shows how unsafe we are,” said one reporter, “and how much they were hiding!”

ERPD refused to comment on the map, and reporters have been pushing for answers.

“The map clearly shows that they think there are three areas where the Beast was likely to be, and what is frightening is that we never did find the thing,” said a well known shipping and ship-building magnate.

The Sheriff’s Department assisted in the management of the latest Meighen auto race, sending out its deputies to ensure that the roadways were clear of obstructions and that the local criminal gang would not interfere. 

“It’s an amazing place to drive,” one deputy told us, “with twists and turns galore. Racers are going to love it.”

Driving challengers should go to Meighen and try it out for themselves (link).

A photo has been secreted from the illustrious Bandit Shipyards, showing one of the many tantalizing projects still to come. The crab craft is said to be able to collect multiple cages and handle deep seas, with only a small crew.

The shipyards, always a closely held secret by the owners of Dutch Harbor (see links at right), is also said to be working on a range of classic yachts and sailing craft.


Ramen-Man, a classic Japanese-style eatery in the Nelson Jenkins Convention Center (link), has won the Super Slurp Award, winning out for the first time and knocking two udon places in Reiri from first place.

“It’s exciting,” said Ramen Man, mascot to the store, “but really has nothing to do with me. They just hire me to walk around in this plushie bowl of soup.”

NTBI, the owner of the building was unavailable due to the release of another Lusch Motors vehicle, but are presumed smug.

Nearby to the ramenya rumors are also circulating that Club Shinjuku has a new chef who once cooked for Mayor Forgier.

Police are questioning a Waterbank News Reporter in the East River Hospital and finally have a lead on the mass disappearance of the WN staff.

“They are being held in a black site,” he told one detective. “Maybe all those years of journalism caught up with them.”

Asked how this reporter escaped, the police were told that he had seduced one of the guards, used a pen to pick a lock, and then imitated a Tunisian Coffee technician to break free. The police, though incredulous, had to admit that the story seemed to be valid.

“Truth never pays,” a Professor of Philosophy said when consulted by the police. “Never.”

Posted by the West River Free Press:

A solitary Waterbank News reporter was rescued in Juneau today, shocking local residents and raising a few debt collector’s eyebrows.

“He was flailing around like a fish having a seizure,” said pilot of the Juneau Search and Rescue. “You could see it from 300 feet up, which is really saying something.”

The pilot was able to conduct a water landing and rescue the journalist, thanks to JSAR’s latest acquisition, the Shergood Aviation S61R (link). Shortly after the rescue the reporter was sent to East River Hospital, where he is reported to be in a stable condition. Police are not releasing information at this time, though one officer of local Sheriff’s Department let slip that this was the break they needed in the disappearance of an entire newspaper staff.

A new type of charity event, the ‘gurney race,’ has brought hundreds of locals out in East River for a charity.

“It’s pretty simple,” explained the Waterbank Auxiliary volunteer that came up with it. “People bet on which ambulance crew can race with a loaded gurney for 500 meters.”

Benefits from the event went to the Cathouse for Catnip Recovery, which helps addicts recover from debilitating catnip.