Horse Deaths Stump Officials

Sheriff’s Department deputies and Health Department officials are baffled to explain the mass death of dozens of horses on a farm off Route 8. Soon after the press arrived, however, the Department of Space Affairs and their mysterious black trucks cordoned off the area and closed the scene. No statement has been made by the space agency as to why they took over the investigation. Neighbors did report strange lights and sounds the night before. “It was like nothing I ever heard,” said one resident “Except maybe Linkin’ Park.”

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Shocking Beast Sighting at Clawfoote

A sighting of an angry beast in the East River has people pulling their coolers out of the water.

“Jeez!” Exclaimed one person at Pippen Hot, “that thing’s massive!”

The East River Port Authority (ERPA) has issued a warning for the river and environs until the beast can be captured.

Prototype Traffic Jam

A WN reporter walks alongside traffic during rush hour in Prototype.

Prototype Police are reporting that traffic delays during rush hour have been exacerbated by elk on the highway.

“Wow,” said one communter. “Like wow. Those guys are big.”

Surf Town Sees Action

The town of Action is drawing crowds of beachgoers as it is one of hte few places in the world where you can surf maverick waves. The otherwise sleepy surf town (link) is home to Action Surf and Skate as well as some cosmetic shops. To try the waves, use the link above.

Grunion Port Authority

White Star Airport officials are confused at the disappearance of a port authority craft, missing since last Monday.

“We saw them there, then they patrolled, then poof! Gone!” Said one port official. “It’s eerie.”

Szym Tower Gas Leak – Not

The Prototype Gas Company was called out to Szym Tower yesterday after several people reported a “gas smell” in the hallways. The team discovered that the smell was actually the chefs at the Tower’s five star restaurant experimenting with new ingredients.

“The Glenbrook Bark Beetle is really smelly,” a sous chef told us, “but a good source of protein.”

King of the Road

Magnate and philanthropist Cam Maximus continues to amaze cartographers and GTFOers alike with his ongoing mapping project (link to it).

“He’s doing amazing stuff,” said a rep over at Waterbank Logistics. “He’s spanning continents and giving traders useful information. It used to be that truckers would have to stop in at the local Highway Patrol to get directions, but that’s all in the past. Just pull up one of the maps and hit the road!”

Cam Maximus was profiled here at Waterbank News, as one of the titans of industry. Click the tag for more!

Editor’s Note: The Sheriff’s Department is reporting that Cam Maximus has been missing for some time and is believed to have been abducted by the Claw.