A new type of charity event, the ‘gurney race,’ has brought hundreds of locals out in East River for a charity.

“It’s pretty simple,” explained the Waterbank Auxiliary volunteer that came up with it. “People bet on which ambulance crew can race with a loaded gurney for 500 meters.”

Benefits from the event went to the Cathouse for Catnip Recovery, which helps addicts recover from debilitating catnip.

An East River data center has been linked to a DoS attack in West River, which affected the West River Creamery and Sunnydale Sauces plants.

“It’s blatant industrial sabotage,” the West River Sheriff told us.

East River IT honcho responded immediately to the charge. “We take ice cream sundaes very seriously. We are tracking several leads already.”

East River investigators are looking into a mysterious crash of a United City States helicopter only thirty minutes after landing at the Michie Marine compound at the mouth of the East River. Witnesses that saw the helicopter land say that something was loaded onto it and it took off shortly after landing.

“Michie is a philanthropist beyond suspicion,” said the Sheriff’s Department. “I think it’s likely that there was a mechanical failure.”