A new type of charity event, the ‘gurney race,’ has brought hundreds of locals out in East River for a charity.
“It’s pretty simple,” explained the Waterbank Auxiliary volunteer that came up with it. “People bet on which ambulance crew can race with a loaded gurney for 500 meters.”
Benefits from the event went to the Cathouse for Catnip Recovery, which helps addicts recover from debilitating catnip.
An East River data center has been linked to a DoS attack in West River, which affected the West River Creamery and Sunnydale Sauces plants.
“It’s blatant industrial sabotage,” the West River Sheriff told us.
East River IT honcho responded immediately to the charge. “We take ice cream sundaes very seriously. We are tracking several leads already.”
Space tourism is on the rise again after several new manufacturers released new products, several of which are on display at Solaris Station (link).
“It’s an exciting time to be an explorer,” Silas Moone told us.
A driver in Prototype took out his horse to beat traffic on the interstate, and caused further delays.
“We’ve got enough trouble on the road,” complained one driver stuck on the road, “without this guy putting horse poop everywhere.”
This week’s photo comes from a drone that was following an East River dinosaur, which became fascinated by Elisha’s head, an animated head atop a rock near East River Municipal Airport.
East River investigators are looking into a mysterious crash of a United City States helicopter only thirty minutes after landing at the Michie Marine compound at the mouth of the East River. Witnesses that saw the helicopter land say that something was loaded onto it and it took off shortly after landing.
“Michie is a philanthropist beyond suspicion,” said the Sheriff’s Department. “I think it’s likely that there was a mechanical failure.”
Drivers of SL, the non-profit drivign club that was dubbed “Coolest Kats,” by Motor Sound Magazine, has arranged a camping event this weekend. Easy to drive in with a few spots left for community camping, the event has consumed hundreds of hot dog and hamburger buns, and participants assure visitors, there are always some left.
“Not sure about the meat, but yeah, always some more buns.”
The event has drawn in a good group of people, and some notable celebrities such as Crim. “We’re a generous group,” said one attendee, “and love a good time.”
Photos of a Coastal Patrol craft, the exquisite ZSK P-40, painted by FI Paints over Half Hitch
After a WIA white paper on Half Hitch was left at Club Shinjuku in Prototype, drunken officers of the Coastal Patrol decided to “adopt” the ill-fated island. Promising air cover and their undying vigilance, the CP officers sang a few lines of the island’s song, “Little Fishes,” until a no-longer-amused Will Szymborska had them thrown out.
“I’m pretty sure there are no limericks in the song,” he was overheard saying, “and everyone knows the bad history between Half Hitch and Nantucket.”
Half Hitch, our reporters discovered after they shook the condensation from the white paper, has been in financial straits. The impoverished island lost some of its key fisherpeople to the Waterbank Fishing Company (WFC), and the island’s local fish population has been depleted from overfishing. They are still recovering from their fight for independence, and there are still mines near the harbor, making it a poor choice for the growing GTFO trade.
“We are hoping for tourism,” said one old man on Half Hitch. “Come and try our seaweed sandwiches.”
The Pippen Docks has been cooperating with various law enforcement agencies, and though catnip is still legal in the region, shipments are moving through different ports.
“It’s self-correction,” said a UCS officer at the docks. “We don’t care at all about it. We’re here to stop the sand trade.”
